10.21.10 - Home at last...

We are finally at home. They discharged us late yesterday afternoon. Liam continues to do well. He has a lot of congestion still and is coughing quite a bit, but they said the more coughing, the better. He is on a pretty harsh antibiotic which can cause some GI issues that we are monitoring closely at home. So far, it's only been minor diarrhea, so I'm praying it doesn't get any worse. He is still tolerating his full feeds, so I am really glad for that. I plan on having a follow up with our pedi next week, plus we also have our cardiologist appt too.

We did go to his bi-weekly helmet appt this morning. It's possible Liam may have to have a second helmet. With his lack of growth the past few months, they are not seeing the results that they hoped for. Hopefully with our new feeding regimen and staying a bit healthier without daycare sickness, Liam will hopefully be able to hit a growth spurt and grow that head into shape!

It has been nice to spend my days with Liam this week. I hate that it takes him being hospitalized or sick to have that time though. Honestly, I've been struggling a lot lately with priorities...and really since Liam has been born. Everything tugging, pulling at me in every direction.  I can see my spiritual life, my family life, my work life and personal life all suffering because of it.  Maybe on the outside I look like I have it all together, but it is far from that.  My heart yearns and is crying out to be closer to God again, to hear him speak to me and listen.   Is it strange that I enjoy the confines of hospital life?  Maybe because within those times, my true priorities align again.  I have time to meet with God and cast my cares.  I have time to spend with family.  The small, unimportant details that frequently call the shots of my day, all of a sudden don't matter. If only I could translate that to my normal daily life...it only it were that easy.

I know that the source of priorities is God himself.  If the #1 spot isn't set up strong, the others will fail to take their place as well.  Ever since Liam was born, I have longed for the kind of relationship with God I had before he was born. And please do not misinterpret, my struggle was in finding God again, amidst the struggles we faced...against a new canvas of life.  My relationship with Him looks much different now...and a lot of times I struggle with that.

I did get a chance to start reading a wonderful book by one of my favorite authors, Max Lucado, "In the Eye of the Storm." I can already feel my heart softening and my ears tuning in to what the Lord is speaking to me right now in my life.  It has given me perspective and courage to know I don't walk alone in this - Jesus has been through it all - to death and back, and is alive to help us through our journey.  I leave now with a passage from his book, that has really got me thinking...

"There is a window in your heart through which you can see God.  Once upon a time that window was clear.  Your view of God was crisp.  You could see God as vividly as you could see a gentle valley or hillside.  The glass clean, the pane unbroken.

You knew God.  You knew how he worked.  You knew what he wanted you to do.  No surprises.  Nothing unexpected.  You knew that God had a will, and you continually discovered what it was.

Then suddenly, the window cracked.  A pebble broke the window.  A pebble of pain....

Whatever the pebble's form, the result was the same - a shattered window...And suddenly God was not so easy to see.  The view that had been so crisp had changed.  You turned to see God, and his figure was distorted.  It was hard to see Him through the pain.  It was hard to see Him through the fragments of hurt...

The moment the pebble struck, the glass became a reference point for you.  From then on, there was life before the pain and life after the pain.  Before your pain, the view was clear; God seemed so near.  After your pain, well, He was harder to see.  He seemed a bit distant...harder to perceive.  Your pain distorted the view - not eclipsed it, but distorted it.

We look for God, but cannot find him.  Fragmented glass hinders our vision.  He is enlarged in this piece, but reduced through that one....And now you aren't quite sure what you see."

In the Eye of the Storm, Max Lucado